Hiring the Ultimate Inbound Marketing Uber Dork

Many of you are wondering how to find the right people to staff your burgeoning inbound marketing team. In their book "Inbound Marketing", Halligan and Shaw identify four key traits, Digital, Analytical, Reach and Content (D.A.R.C) for people with the right stuff for inbound marketing. Last time I checked only HubSpot people have that "tat" emblazoned on their forearms (or elsewhere). No, you want results? You're looking for the inbound marketing "Über Dork". Read on.

The Über Dork is a bird of a different feather. He or she eats sleeps and dreams inbound marketing. There is no other life except maybe the occasional Facebook post to friends and family. I saw the Über Dork in action at last week's #IMS11 and #HUGS11 conferences. This is pretty sick stuff, so be warned. Here's a snapshot of the UD's day.

• Checks in to the bathroom on 4SQ and everywhere else during the day
• Immediately starts tweeting and texting on the mobile unit prior to and during breakfast, lunch and dinner
• Does not engage any living souls and never raises his/her head to a level, straight-ahead position
• Works on 10 different things at once and has no idea what any of them are about
• Thinks that breathing has an effect on the Google SERP's
• Blogs at least 3 times a day and is not afraid to repeat the same blog (maybe change a comma here and there to fool Panda)
• Tweets at least 50 times an hour, same rules apply as in blogs
• Believes in capturing leads and torturing them once captured
• No one can tell (or understand) what the Uber Dork is saying or doing - ever. This is the mystery.
• Unashamed. Unrelenting. Unstoppable.

Here's the thing. There are billions of Über Dorks out there these days. Most are under the age of 25. No offense Millennials! I love you all. But would it kill you to put down the smart phone, look me in the eye and have a conversation once in a while?

PS - I know a lot of you are probably thinking I'm sending up one of my co-workers at Kuno in this blog post. Perish the thought! I would never throw a co-worker under the bus like that. Hint - but I might throw one under an M1 Abrams Tank!

* I know that "Uber" is supposed to have an "umlaut" (two dots) over it. I took German in high school. I just don't know how to make that happen in HTML. OK? Update: thanks to Millennial for telling me how!

Photo Credit: dmjarvey